Permanent
by TwilightLuver-BabyDoll98225
Summary: Worse things happened to Bella than in NM and when the Cullens don't return for a year, Bella isn't as forgiving. How hard will Edward have to work to prove to her he's not going anywhere? And what has happened to Bella that has made her so hurt? E&B
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Okay, so I've had this story lying around for about a year but I didn't want to post it because I wanted to do one story at a time but with Breaking Dawn Part 2 coming out soon, I realized that it takes to long for me to complete one story at a time so I decided to post this one.**

**Summary: Darker spin on New Moon. Set a year and a half after Edward left. Alice never had a vision of Bella jumping off the cliff so the Cullens never returned. Bella isn't the person she was. A lot happened in that year and a half that has left her cold, hard and mean. After Harry Clearwater dies, the pack decides to contact the Cullens to help them catch Victoria, who is still out for revenge against Edward for killing James. As they come back, they soon see some of the changes in Bella and some of the damage they left behind.**

I sat next to my best friend at a service for a man I barely knew. Charlie believes the reason I went was out of courtesy to him or to Jacob but that wasn't the truth. I came because Jacob asked me to come, because there had been a new deal. A new treaty formed between enemies. Vampires and werewolves.

Victoria was back and determined to kill me, as some sort of justice for her love James. The Quilute elders believe, much to their own dismay, that it'd be better to have the Cullens around to help catch Victoria, though they used a much different choice of words. With Harry Clearwater, one of the tribes Council members, passed away from a heart attack, the Quilute needed all the help they could possibly get, though none of them were thrilled to make the contact. I had no idea how they found the Cullens and quite frankly, I didn't care to know. It didn't matter to me. Why should it? So Edward and I were in love at one point in time-Or at least, I loved him. What did it matter?

Jacob was the one to tell me they were coming back. No one else knew, outside the pack and elders. We didn't talk about it after that. We didn't have to. Jake and me read it on each other's faces. He was less than keen on the idea but he couldn't control anything about it. We needed help here and who was I to make an objection? The service was about to start as I looked up at the grieving family, the Clearwater's, Leah, Seth and Sue, at the front of the church.

I wasn't thinking about myself right now. How seeing _him _would effect me. How every nerve in my body would be on fire, from passion or anger, I don't know. I wasn't thinking about how my mind would cope or how I'd probably have nightmares. I wasn't thinking about how I was going to have to look _him _in the eye after what he did. After he pretty much murdered me, without actually doing a damn thing. I wasn't thinking about how, if I ever had to, when I saw his face, all the memories I spent the last year and a half trying forget, would suddenly come back to me and hit me in the face. I wasn't thinking about how every feeling or emotion I've ever experienced when with _him_, was about to come rushing back and smack me right across the face.

It didn't matter now. My feelings no longer meant anything because I didn't let them. My feelings about Edward and the Cullens, at least. The way I felt about Edward was irrelevant. Our so-called love was turned out to be a lie that just happened to almost cost me everything. It wasn't real love though. It was "Just a crush," like I'd told Renee that day in the hospital. A little girl crush. Well, my little girl crush doesn't exist anymore.

My little girl crush died such a painful death. That piece of me was history now. That same little girl, grew and turned into a nineteen and a half year old woman with hard edges that scared my scatterbrained mother and worried my overprotective father. They used to pretend to not notice my faults but someone would have to be blind not to see how cold I was now.

It was easier to be numb.

Sure, other guys had come in. They tried to fix me up and make me theirs. They tried to love me better. But they were just boys, young and horny. They didn't have what I needed. I'm pretty much no one in this world has what it take to make me feel like an alive person again. Too much has happened in my short life. I was battle scarred and permanently shell shocked.

Somewhere along the lines, I learned not to let anyone in enough to break, destroy and control me. No boyfriend, at least. The only person I really let in anymore was Jacob and, I guess, _occasionally _the other members of the Wolf pack, including Emily, Kim and Josslyn. Jessica, Mike, Angela, all my school friends, humans, were all too childish and naive to really understand, even after everything they saw happen. In time, each of them would figure out what the rest of us learned a long time ago: this world is a fucked up place, where none of us were getting happy endings.

But I'm not going to boo hoo about my miserable little life. I wasn't here to show Edward, the Cullens and everyone else at this funeral exactly who I'd become, though many already knew. It isn't easy to keep everything on the down low when your father is the police chief.

I wasn't interested in looking Edward in the eye, in seeing his face, in seeing his reaction to me, my scarcely thin figure, my ice cold stare that makes you take a second look, I didn't want him to read the thoughts for everyone around me, because, though this is Harry Clearwater's funeral, I would always be the gossip of the towns, Forks and La Push. But more than anything else, I didn't want Edward to see the hurt that etched in my eyes from the last man who lied, from the baby who'd never take a breath, from the time I had been beaten within an inch of my life.

I wasn't going to show Edward the damage that had been done to be since the last time he saw me.

Across the open funeral grounds, the Cullens had walked in, though I'd made a point in not looking. Jacob was looking, though, so I knew it was them. I kept my eyes on the casket and didn't look up. I saw old Quil and Sam stand up from where they were sitting, next to Charlie. I didn't have to look at my father to know that he was flaming pissed. Nothing made him angry like hearing the names Edward or Ethan.

"Over here." Sam directed the family of vampires, with old Quil trailing at a safe distance behind them. I looked at Jacob's face, which held frustration and loss of power. I could emphasize with that. Sam led the Cullens to the row right in front of us. _Oh, great,_ I thought. There would be no way to avoid them now. I could count on the fact that I really didn't show emotion with anyone but a few select people anymore. They couldn't get to me. I'd be okay.

Carlisle sat next to a man who wanted to sleep with me. As the Cullens piled across the row, Alice caught a glimpse of me. Her eyes widened and she all but shrieked. All seven vampires turned and looked our direction. I purposely avoid their gazes and most importantly, Edward's. Before anyone could say anything, Sam hushed them silent. "Please, sit down." His voice was anything but nice.

One gaze stayed on me, though, I refused to meet it. After the service started, everyone sat in silence, some crying, some just thinking. Finally, I looked up at Edward. He was dressed nice enough, but you could tell his hair was wilder than ever. His back was facing me but I could see his black button up shirt, how it looked like it was being worn by an angel instead of a cold-hearted vampire. I wasn't looking at him as if he was some sort of miracle anymore. No, that was killed along with my fantasies about love. How can you look at someone like they're perfect, when they single handedly ripped your life apart and left you, scared, alone and defenseless?

Love wasn't for people like me. Love was for people who had something to give in return. Stupid people. I was broken. I was jaded. I was stormy. But I wasn't stupid.

There wasn't anyone who could help me now.

****AN: Short yes, but it gets longer each chapter. I promise not to make this the typical "Edward never came back in New Moon" story. Just because of some story line changes, Alice never saw Bella jump off the cliff. Anyway, please review. It would mean so much to me and it only takes a second. Tell me what you think, good, bad, constructive criticism? ****


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Mmmk this chapter was already written too, I just had to make some rewrites. And btdubs, incase anyones interested, I need a Beta.**

** Please please please review. It makes me very happy and motivates me to update. Next chapter more happens.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

The funeral was over as quickly as it started. I felt someone looking at me but I didn't meet that gaze until that person called out to me. "Hey, Bella, can you hang out now?" Chris called, from his seat next to Carlisle. By hang out, he meant hook up. Obviously, no one thought anything of this for they were already having conversations of their own. Still, I felt the Cullens listening.

I met Chris' stare with my biting one. "No." I said, curtly. Jacob stifled a small laugh as did Alice. I looked up at her, meeting her eyes for the first time, with my glacial eyes and my arched eyebrows. "Can I help you?" I asked, short, rude and to the point.

Alice was stunned by my tone. "Listen, Bella-" Alice was cut off by Jake.

"Bella's gotta be somewhere else." Jacob didn't meet eye contact as he yanked me up by my arm and pulled me out of the dreary funeral settings, but not before saying goodbye to the Clearwaters.

"I'll see you later, Sue." Jacob murmured as he hugged her.

She said nothing in reply to him but she turned towards me and pulled me into the circle of her arms. "Ignore them, they're not worth it." She whispered to me.

Jacob tugged on my arm, guiding me out of the cemetery. As we walked out I spotted my dad talking to Mark, his coworker and his wife Hannah. He caught glimpse of me, his eyes stayed on me until we were out of his sight. I adjusted my big rhinestoned sunglasses that I'd shoplifted, down onto my face.

By now, Charlie was used to me not coming home most nights. He was happy to just know I'm busy and not just sitting around my room, depressed or out with 'The Wrong Kind of People'. He learned early last February, just to be grateful I'm not dead. Yet. I'm pretty sure Billy calls and fills him in on my whereabouts though.

Once we were alone and out of hearing distance, Jacob spoke again. "Sorry, Bells. I'll talk to Sam about why he chose to sit them there."

"It's fine." I mumbled, unwillingly.

"They won't bug you again." Jacob promised. He had promised me the same thing, countless times since he told me of their upcoming return. I stopped believing that what anyone-even Jacob-said was true. If someone could have protected me, they would have by now. I gave up on ever dreaming of being rescued from the disasters that seem to follow me, the same way I gave up on ever finding love.

"You can't promise that, Jake." I said, in an even voice.

"I'll make sure it happens." He was standing by his word. I didn't respond as Jacob opened the passenger seat to the Rabbit for me. We drove home in silence. Jake didn't mind. He was used to me not talking all the time. One of the best things about Jacob was he didn't push me to have conversations or try and fill awkward silences like other people. I don't tell him enough how grateful I am he's even around. He's probably the only person who can even make me crack a smile. Every once in a while.

When I got home, I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Charlie made a huge mess of the house on purpose, no doubt. He does this so I'd have something to do. He tries overly hard to keep me doing things. He didn't know what else to do other than send me to a shrink, and I highly doubt it would work to talk to someone, unless you're completely honest. When I thought of telling a paid professional my issues, all I could see was a padded cell and a bunch of doctors.

That's what I use Jacob for. Someone to talk to and unload on. To some extent I use Josslyn, Leah and Jared. They all understand what it's like to be left behind by someone they love. But I only talk to the later three every once in a while.

I had my work cut out for me, so I started cleaning up the entire living room. I picked up all of Charlie's dirty dishes, throw pillows, taking the coffee spilled ones to the laundry room, along with about a million unworn clothes that Charlie placed around the house. I then mopped up the spilled liquids and swept up and tossed away the spoiled food. Once I was done with the house, I scrubbed my hands for directly ten minutes straight.

I looked at the clock to realize it was now six o clock, give or take. I decided it was a good time to start dinner. I started getting out the cooking utensils when the phone rang. I picked it up, not knowing who it was, and to be perfectly honest, not caring.

"Hello?" I said, just like everything else I say. Emotionless.

"Hey, Bella, do you got a minute? I need to talk." Jessica's voice exclaimed through the other end. I rolled my eyes and suppressed a groan. Jessica wasn't my favorite human friend but we were fine. No bad blood or anything, just she annoyed me with her constant Mike talk and I annoyed her with my lack of caring.

No offense, but if you want sympathy about a relationship, where the worst that has happened is the guy told you he just wanted to be friends, don't come looking for it from someone who's been in constant danger and life has been uprooted and ripped to pieces all because of her first boyfriend.

I chewed on my lip, and blinked. Jessica didn't know any of this, and it wouldn't be fair to blame her for being protected from this side of reality.

"Bella?" Jessica's voice came through the phone. "You still there?"

"Yeah," I said, in monotone. "Tell me what happened." I didn't bother faking interest.

"Oh my god, okay, so Mike was with Lilly and Kendall. You know, those two sluts who are in you our world geography class? Anyway, he was flirting with them and I just stood ten feet behind him, all impatient, and then he had the nerve to say he wanted to take a break and cool it for a while. Cool it, Bella! Can you believe it?" Jessica exclaimed.

I wish that was the worst experience I've ever had in my love life. I undid my teeth out of my bottom lip, before I drew blood.

"That's awful, Jess." I said, at least attempting to be supportive, but my voice was flat.

"I know right! And then Elena from math 130 was like 'Do you need to talk?' and I wanted to sock her in the face. I mean she's such a little bitch, doing college classes while still in high school, so she thinks she's better than the rest of us? I don't think so." Jessica's stories and community bored me a little.

We spent the next two and a half hours talking about Mike, and gossip about other people from school. Well, I guess you could say I was, but in reality all I was doing was saying 'Uh huh' in all the right spots. Jess didn't care as long as she had an ear piece to talk to.

After we hung up, I walked upstairs for a human moment. I caught glimpse of myself in the mirror, as I was leaving.

It's always scary to see yourself when you look like me. After Edward left, I stopped eating all together until Charlie feared for my vitals and made me eat. I still lost massive weight.

Last time I checked, I went from 110, to 89. Unhealthy, borderline anorexic, as far as I know. Charlie tries to get me to eat more but I really don't care. I eat with him around or at the Blacks'. When Charlie asks what I ate that day, which he rarely does, I mostly lie to please him. It's not that I believe I'm fat or something, I genuinely forget.

When you feel the way I do, you don't remember small things like hunger. It's irrelevant.

It's not just my weight that's changed though. I look different too. I try to look different. Make up, clothes, hair styles, all of it. After _they _left, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't bring myself to look in the mirror and see the person Edward left. To see the person he no longer wanted. So I put a lot more effort in my appearance now. I try to look edgier, or at least not plain. And it helps kill time, when you want not a free second in your life.

I heard the phone ring and sighed to go see who it was. I hoped it wasn't Jessica again. It wasn't. It was Mike, trying to tell me his side of things. I just repeated the pattern I used with Jess and got off the phone as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I briefly wondered where Charlie was. Was he still talking to people at the funeral grounds? I wondered if he caught up to the Cullens'. It was unlikely because I know the Packs' elders were doing whatever they could to keep the Cullens isolated from the rest of us, as Jacob was trying to keep them isolated from me.

No longer feeling like cooking, I called a pizza. Before it arrived, the phone rang once again. "I swear to God, Jessica and Mike need to stop including me in their drama," I muttered, cynical.

"What?" I answered the phone.

"Snappy." A youthful but husky voice said. I recognized it immediately.

"Sorry, Jake." I sighed, but my tone didn't change.

"I'm by the front door." I wondered what that meant. Jacob sounded like I did when I spoke to Chris. I knew he wasn't in a good mood, but I still wondered what was up.

I opened it after shoving the phone into the cradle. "What's wrong?" I asked, as Jacob walked in. Jacob shrugged, looking pissed as hell.

"You need to come to the treaty ceremony." He said, in a way that reminded me of Sam.

"Treaty ceremony?"

"I'll explain in the car." His voice still dead.

"I got to finish my homework." I said in a flat tone.

"We can wait."

I gritted my teeth. "Why?" I asked, my voice sharp as an icicle, shoving passed him, heading back into the kitchen. He followed.

"Everyone it involves, or affects has to be there when it takes place." Jacob said in the same voice as before. "All you gotta do is watch, Bells." His voice became softer. "I'm sorry. I swore I'd keep you away from them but it doesn't seem like that's going to be easy."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault, Jacob." I said in a strained, hard voice. Jacob sighed. We were silent for one hundred seconds.

"You need to change out of your funeral clothes." He motioned to my room on the second floor. I nodded and trudged upstairs slowly and changed into jean shorts, a pink tank top, tight in the breast area and kept on my black knee high boots I wore to the funeral. I came downstairs very very slowly, wishing I'd thought to redo my makeup. I wanted to absorb as much time as possible.

Jacob was waiting for me, tapping the railing. When I reached the end of the stairs, he shocked me and grabbed me into a big hug, lifting me off my feet.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I really am doing the best I can to keep those damn bloodsuckers away." He assured me. I _almost _cracked a smile. I knew Jake was doing his best. Hell, he was doing more. Running double shifts, making arrangements for me to be away from the family who abandoned me, spending as much time trying to keep me as busy as possible.

He set me back on the ground. I sighed, walking out the door and to Jake's car. "What's going to happen at this whole ceremony?" I asked, in a blank tone, as Jacob pulled out of my driveway.

He didn't answer right away. "Pretty much, we are going to listen to the Cullens vow to only cross the boundary line with permission, that they will not hunt on our land or kill a human, at all, anywhere and to listen and work with us. And they have to swear to help us with the redheaded leech." He finally said as he drove to La Push.

"Sounds boring." I commented.

"It is."

"Do you guys have to promise anything?" I asked, uncaringly.

"We have to promise to listen to them, to not be territorial, to not expose them to the pale faces and to work with them, in a business way." He recited, turning the corner on some back road street.

"You don't sound happy about that." I stated, in an even voice, staring out the window. I felt Jacob's eyes cut to me.

"No. I don't like having any parasites in my town. But having the Cullens there are even worse." Jacob gripped, clenching the steering wheel too tight.

I nodded, in complete agreement with him, as I set my feet on his dashboard. Jake smacked my legs down, only to have me kick him. I almost wanted to smile but those muscles didn't want to move from their permanent frown.

"What's going to happen after you guys make your truces and promises?" I asked, changing the subject slightly.

"We're going to talk about what's been going on with those two bloodsuckers that are after you. The ones stalking you." Jacob explained, driving into La Push territory.

"Laurent and Victoria?" I already knew the answer.

"We have been keeping the _Cullens"_ I didn't miss the way Jacob spit their name. I wish I could even say it, without feeling like my throat was on fire and my heart was being frozen. It wasn't pleasent. "in the dark. They don't really understand why you're even around us."

"I thought that's why they came back." I raised an eyebrow.

"They came back to help with the redhead and the leech with the dreeds. We didn't care to tell them why the two vamps decided to come to town." Jacob explained, cutting the engine. "We're here." He said. I looked out the front car's front window and saw Sam's car, Old Quil's car and Jared's car. And in the distance I saw a silver Volvo.

This is going to be a hell of a night.

**AN: Next chapter is more eventful. Please review and I'll update really really quick. Thank you!**


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